Sugarbowl

For one of your first pieces, this is pretty good. It's always difficult to get much from something so short, but it is only a prologue and so the small ...

Personally, I loved them. The stories they tell are completely unrealistic, surreal, and unbelievable, but the way they're told was, in my opinion, fantastic. For me, the most important part ...

I couldn't agree more. Having tried unsuccessfully once before to read it, I recently finished Catch 22 and found it to be one of the best things I've ever read. ...

First of all, It's good to see you're being slightly brave with this and writing it in an unusual form. You don't often see a piece in which the reader ...

It's not bad :) It didn't blow me away (if you'll excuse the wind pun), but it certainly did its job as a first chapter. You set the scene by ...

Wow. Completely not what I was expecting. Somehow, you managed to turn a piece that was entirely a suicide note into something that was surprisingly uplifting and refreshing. As you ...

In my opinion, that was the best chapter so far. You don't seem to have stumbled into any problems with your dialogue like in some of the previous chapters, partly ...

I wasn't expecting that one :o It's nice to see your plot developing further, and the half-heard conversation in the woods gives us that frustrating, small amount of detail that ...

Again, I was quite impressed. It's nice to see a bit more of a plot developing in this chapter, as well as some slight development of characters. I have to ...

Overall, I liked it :D Not bad at all for someone who says they're not really a writer. As for your comment about character names, I wouldn't worry about it. ...

Again, I have to congratulate you on some well timed and very fluent description. The first paragraph of the second section was probably the best example of this. Arnold was ...

I thought this was great :D A rare moment of good-humoured fiction with those occasional "what the heck?" moments. You're writing was at times nothing less than bizarre, and I ...

As far as first chapters go, this pretty much did it's job. We get quite a clear idea of the strictness and austerity of the house where Alyssa lives, and ...

I love this type of story :D If you haven't already, read Orwell's "1984" for an idea of how to write a first-class dystopia novel. I think the concept of ...

I'm afraid I have to disagree with GML. Although Toxic and the pregnant sister are both thoroughly unlikeable characters, I couldn't help being drawn to Dailey herself. She seems to ...