Squall

Hi there. The entire song is cliche, no offense. I mean how many times have you heard the phase "wish on a star"? There is nothing interesting about this piece, ...

Hey there. I was interested with your "thunderstorm" idea, but I don't get why you decided to abandon it and instead turned it into generic hog wash? It had a ...

Hey there. I don't really get why you decided to have the narrator's best friend as a geek. For all I care, you could of used any other archtype and ...

Hey there. You have some pretty decent descriptions/imagery of the beach and stuff. However, I don't get why the narrator has to stand over a cliff. Yea, her friend died, ...

Hey there. With her calloused hands, her dank servant’s dress was slipped on while passing under a doorway. Kind of stitled. I think it's because it's in passive voice. I ...

Hey there. Wynne woke to the sight of dappled sunlight speckling the backseat of the car. Na, never start with an opening of someone waking up. It's been done many ...

Hey there. Just some quick comments. Samantha: I actually wanted to know what her parents were arguing about and what she thought of it and how she's affected. I can ...

Hey jDawn. Sila brushed against my white fur as he walked ahead of me, and I shivered. Not a good opening sentence as it is kind of boring. Obviously when ...

Hi there Flower~Child. After looking into his deep brown eyes, for the third time tonight, I tried to refuse him. Auk, not a good way to start. Description of the ...

Hi there. Before I start, I highly recommend that next time, you should split this up into paragraphs so it'll be easier for people to read. Veiyloxx was born in ...

Hi there Sassykat. I am guessing for sure that it would be best to tell you how Puffballs came to be. They came about in such an unusual manner that ...

Hi thatboy. Before I start, for goodness sake man, separate this into paragraphs. It will make it much easier for someone to read this. The streaming sound as the speeding ...

Hi Rosey. I heard nails tapping on wood from inside my father’s study, followed by my mother’s voice. “Kerani has proved invaluable to us. Do you want to take that ...

Hi Ellie. I'm gonna keep this quite brief. Reread this piece again, but this time pay careful attention to the structure of your sentences. Notice that you keep using the ...

Hey Kara. First things first, she supposed. Keep in mind that your character is disoriented and doesn't know where she is. This bit makes it seem like she's fine, which ...