Please leave a comment Good, bad and evil!
"Wish On A Star"
By: Lisa (©LC Sounds)
I’ve known her since she’s been born
I’ve always thought her family was perfect
We were the best of friends
We seemed to connect
So on nights when she was over
I would always tell her
Chorus:
Wish on a star
For something good
Wish on a star
For whatever you want
I never thought
I would be the one wishing
Wishing to have her back
The next week her dad lost his job
He ended up taking it all out on her
She tried to tell me she needed help
I didn’t want to make a big stir
So I sent her on her way back home
And said good-bye one last time
Now to my self I say
Chorus
I cried for weeks
I believed it was my entire fault
But it was my turn to speak
Say what really happened
To let her finally rest in peace
I don’t care if I’m weak
I’m going to stand up
I’m going to…
Chorus
I’m still wishing on a star
She’s still not back
I’m still wishing on a star
Just to have life back to normal
But that will never happen
So I’m going to keep on wishing
Wishing on that same star
Because I told her…
Chorus
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,805 Reviews
Hello!
))
First of all, i find the song interesting.
But in the latter part, there are some redundancies and discrepancies especially on the chorus part.
No offense, please don't repeat some line and I know you can put some more wonderful yet catchy words
that can struck our emotions
Like give some more details about stars, contrast, comparison etc.
Vir
Hi there.
The entire song is cliche, no offense. I mean how many times have you heard the phase "wish on a star"? There is nothing interesting about this piece, it's just a rehash of ideas that have been around for a long time. And it doesn't help that the song pretty much repeats itself throughout.
Is there anything that you can say about a star? How about a star that is an omen of evil? Now that would be interesting to write a song about.
Andy.
You know, to be honest, I found this one to be a repetition of some other songs I have heard. I also found it to be a little awkward, I can't really imagine this one put to any kind of music.
"I believed it was my entire fault"
This line, especially, I found to be kind of awkward. The word "entire" seems to be out of place. You can use it, and make it sound good, but not there. If you rephrased it to something like "I believe is was entirely my fault," then I could see that working. But since that doesn't really fit into the rhythm, you might want to change that around.
Hope this helps.