SpencerNolanRivers

For example, because of the lack of clear emotions, I'm a bit unsure of who the girl being mentioned in this is. Is she a lover? A best friend? I'm ...

This has several grammatical errors, so I would suggest possibly proof-reading this altogether once more.

overall. ok I am confused. there were too many flashbacks that you didn't point out were flash backs, also who kissed who? Olivias gay? We need more information, for the ...

Kiara :D Thanks so much for the help, I'll be sure to go and fix those things up. One thing though; ...flinging the doors open dramatically with a tiney ring ...

If you start a project that means something to you, go with it and forget every one's opinions. This is your story, or "info-dump", as Vanadis puts it. To me, ...

I couldn't get through with reading your entire piece. I only read about a paragraph or so. It is hard to follow along in the story when it lacks a ...

Yes, it is quite old.

Hi, Laurance. I like your writing style, you are very skilled, but I do not see the purpose ofo the story you've posted. What were you trying to convey to ...

Of course the whole teacher-being-with-student is not believable. That's why I wanted to write about that sort of situation. As I continue the story, I will later on reveal why ...

By the way, Roon, I meant "Twenty-pound bag" as in the weight of the bag, not the price. I am American, we use dollars here, and the story also takes ...

I intended for it to sound like a gossip girl novel, i went straight in with the action instead of explaining everybodys character and things like that. Imitation is the ...

wow. people are really mean. and don't worry. my story will never ever be on this ridiculous website again. This "Ridiculous website" is a site for mature writers who are ...

Thank you for the critique, I have now edited a lot of the things you have suggested.

And one more thing. I hate feeling like I'm trying to start a debate or something, but I like the fact that you're using tags beside "he said" or "she ...

I really liked this. Most definitely one of the best pieces I've read in a while. There were some minor mistakes and errors, but those are small to comparison of ...