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I like the idea, but the execution was rather poor, so let's talk about that. First of all, metaphors and similes. I know you love them. I love them too. ...

Hello! Okay, so this may be geeky, but I totally read it for the title. Yep. Geeky. However, when you start with electrons, and when I was reading the first ...

EEK! You've written one of those "based off a fairy tale" things. I love those sorts of stories! Just one thing I found that I didn't like: "I shook her ...

First of all! "It is therefore imperative for us g to adopt..." Random g! Now, the content... This is too vague to make any sort of valid argument. It consists ...

I think you might be better with some consolidation here! You have a lot of different images thrown in, so you either have to combine them better so that they ...

Eek! If they give you a question, you have to answer it! The easiest way to lose is to not answer the question and then simply spit it out back ...

A rather dismal thought, but whatever! It's not really a story at all, so I won't bother you about the lack of conflict or whatever. However, there are several points ...

Typos! Instead of "boarderline" it's actually "borderline." Okay! Now the story! It seemed really... flat. We really didn't know about any of the characters or what their relationship was with ...

Hello anima! Welcome to YWS. :) When I read poetry, I tend to look for something that just intoxicates me with beauty, especially with something about autumn, which is a ...

Dun dun dunnnn! Dramatic cliffhanger! I fail to see how this is a romance story, but knowing how crazy Greek mythology can be, it's bound to come up! The black ...

Hello, sspgcc1! Welcome to YWS! :D First, a typo! "The servants, brining in food"

Now, if this did make sense, it would be soooo awesome. ;) One thing that I don't understand is the last line, "And all because green trees leap." The lines ...

Hi Elinor! First of all, you keep on changing tense. You slip in and out of past and present tense, and it makes it really strange! So fix that up! ...

Hello Vivela! :D First things first, why do you capitalize the last word of every line? It's really distracting and it seems unnecessary! Okay, now for the poem itself! I ...

Eek, no, I'm not sure if this would be better off as a poem! :) Stories (or poetry, for that matter!) should always have a purpose or sense of direction. ...