Sins

Yay, I wasn't completely useless :P Yeah tbh the messiness is often unavoidable in the early stages of a novel because the author is trying to figure out wtf is ...

Yay, good :) I'm glad I was at least somewhat helpful!

Ah, that's fine. I rarely know what on earth I'm doing when I write anything, so I feel ya on that. I'm not much of a planner! So long as ...

Thank you muchly! :) You're right in regards to those snippets of dialogue. I'm really bad at noticing stuff like that until someone notices for me, so you are much ...

Thanks for another great review, Lightsong! I'm in the process of kinda, sorta trying to fix the slapping scene, so I totally agree with you on that. I just need ...

Thanks so much for your help, particularly with all the nit-picky stuff because i can be super bad at that! I've always been awful at descriptions too, so I 100% ...

Thank you muchly! I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter overall :D The phone thing bugs me too because realistically you'd think Robbie or Zack would have a phone between them, ...

No worries! (Sadly not, I joined this site when I was, like, 13 and my favourite tv show was Skins UK at the time, haha) For someone who's never experienced ...

Of course, that makes total sense. Ah okay, I'd assumed she was only then waking up, probably me more than anything :P That's totally cool, I guess they're all thing ...

Ah, I see! Nine years? No way, that's super cool. I'll definitely check out chapter two (and any other chapters you post) :)

Ah I see, maybe have her just shove them into her pocket or something? Oh dear, sorry, you can tell I'm slightly delusional tonight! But anywho, no worries, I'm glad ...

Thanks muchly for such a fantastic review! I totally agree with you about getting too engrossed in the voice, I have a horrendous tendency to do that, oops. Effie's weaknesses ...

Haha, no worries! YWS does this sometimes, you just gotta roll with it :P It tends to happen to me when I use the site on my phone, for some ...

Ah I see, it all makes a lot more sense now you've explained it. Thanks :) I'll check that out within the next few days, definitely!

Her being 16 is cool and can totally work, so don't fret over that too much! In fact, her ageing throughout the novel could create some pretty cool dialogue development ...