SeraphTree

:D “She can’t stay here with us Alice,” said a voice angrily. The person who is presumably Alice began to speak. “But she cannot simply stay with Naomi, she is ...

I will crit this. :D It's just that... it's really late up here. :( :D:D:D

My relationship with Jenny Chase wasn’t what you could even call a relationship. It was pretty much a hate-love-hate friendship…only without the love. Our rivalry started in eighth grade art ...

Ditto... white flag!!!!! :D Just kidding. I must agree with Sydstix and xHearts. There is nothing that really grabs us in the beginning. :( There are a couple things bugging ...

We need more background of your character. A flashback would be perfect. Also, this sounds a bit too much like 'poor me' writing. :( Maybe some of her strengths instead ...

Very good! I really like this piece. You managed to convey thoughts and feelings without the 'talking animal' bit. They only thing I can think of is that you and ...

ChayONZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I though this piece was overall very good. You tend to have loaded sentences, and runon sentences too. Those are easily fixable. :D The yellow

First off, there is way too much telling in this. We don't need to know all about her life in the first paragraphs. We need more struggle and dialogue. :D ...

Interesting. :D There are a few things *Seraph ducks behind the computer*: Save. Me. From. The. Dark. Save. Me. From. The. Light. I. Can't. Save. Myself. Again. I. Can't. Pull. ...

NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *Lightning, thunder, save Koreth* Overall, very good. I couldn't see anything obvious, exept maybe the dream and a few descriptions we

CHAYONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ***I^o^I*** What I suggest is that you break up the dialogue. Have more show, less tell, i.e., instead of Hart explaining the toxic nature of the leaf, have her ...

First of all, you keep switching between the MC [Belle or Raikoh?] and the other characters, and giving us needless information. So far, we really know nothing about them. "Well ...

BOMBOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D:D:D:D Hm. My suggestion is that you draw out the situation more. Make the MC gain the boy's trust, or vice versa. ;) You see, there is so much ...

I agree with Lauren about spacing. :) Hm. First off, your message is a bit muddled. I can't tell if you're talking about the Circle of Life, or Save our ...

I agree with the other authors that this needs to be mixed up a bit. For example, I think horse back riding, speed skating, and ballroom dancing would all be ...