Rydia

I just wanted to say that I love how this seems to be turning into a 'we love YWS' thread

Fix the Rhythm Whooo dramatic scene! Alright so we have action which means lets have lots of choppy short sentences, yes? Well uh... kind of. But the rhythm isn't quite ...

The effect of the fog I'm going to reiterate my request at the end of the last section for an extension of the part where Ross went into the fog ...

Line By Line 1. Good descriptions at the beginning and it was pretty unexpected so nice work there. 2. Right then, part of me wanted Tara so bad. I would ...

Hey hey! Okay so I love some of the imagery in this, I just wanted to say that before I got started on ripping holes in it. As there's a ...

Line By Line 1. I looked around as he spoke and no one seemed to pay him much attention. It was opportunism. Joe would have as soon seen us out ...

Hai! I bet you thought I'd never get around to these, but I'm determined to catch up on all my reviews this month! Line By Line 1. “It’s my job, ...

Line By Line 1. Please tell me Timmy is not going to be Zavier's lost brother or something. Please? 2. Why does Mag help them? It seems a bit pointless ...

Line By Line 1. You've started the last three chapters with them either just waking up or just going to bed. It's maybe time for a little variation? 2. I ...

Here again! The start Really good work there. Victor's illness makes the reader fear for him and it really helps to draw out how close your characters have come. You've ...

Next chapter! Line By Line 1. “Zavier?” I rolled over to face Victor. His face [Maybe skin to avoid repeating face?] was covered in soot and he looked exhausted. 2. ...

Hai! Okay so its been forever, but I've finally got some spare time so here I am to review :D Line By Line tick....tock...tick...tock... [Use capitals! Never start a sentence ...

Hai! Okay so I was going to review this forever ago but then NaNo stole my life. Yeah, thanks NaNo. Anyway, it's December now so here I am! Line By ...

Hi! I'm sorry this review is coming to you so late, November has just been a crazy month for me. But! Here I am so let's see what you've got... ...

Hi! Apologies for the delayed review, but NaNo stole my life last month! Line-By-Line I remember that first time that I’d ever let you get close to me. [Alright, let's ...