Rydia

Some of the imagery in this poem was beautiful and I love the message behind it. Line four is out of rhythm though. It needs an extra syllable so that ...

I liked the introduction of magic. I think it adds nicely to the story but poor Annie! Here's a few things I noticed - "Hello, there, Brad. Nice to see ...

Ah, I see Jabber got your punctuation. Then I shall take rhyme and rhythm =) I think this would be better if you tried for a consistent rhythm throughout the ...

Part one - Your description is amazing and the characterization for Toc is great. The other three characters all seemed rather similar but that's okay, you'll have plenty of time ...

This is a good, little story Lindsay. I have to agree that some extra description would be nice and I'd like it if you explained who Tammy is but, other ...

This was really sweet and some of your descriptions are lovely but I'd quite like to know more of what your characters look like. It's not necessary; just a preference. ...

Hi, I saw your message on the other board and noticed that this one has no critiques so... here I am =) I liked this piece in general but there's ...

First, some general observations. The structure of this story is very much like a list. First you list the number of victims, the the two types of victims, then the ...

This is a really pleasant little poem. Your rhyme and rhythm are simple, yes, but very effective and some of your imagery is beautiful. With these poems, I usually find ...

Hey Jabber! I think you've made a really good start here but perhaps Autumn should be seven rather than five? I can see that you want her close to the ...

Just a little typo first before I make some more general comments - She took it and stood up to o . Okay. Well this part was nicely written but ...

You have a nice start here but this needs expanding. Add a little description of the scenery and some characterization. You tell us the persona is all alone but show ...

The others have made most of the points I would so I wont repeat them but I would like to say that this is brilliant and so easy to relate ...

I thought this was good and I like the description of Marisol but perhaps a little more description of Jose would be nice. Also, I think you use the perfect ...

Claudette's right. You need to punctuate this and then re-consider the rhymes. Rhyme and rhythm are great when they come naturally and add to the poem but here it seems ...