Rydia

TANGLED UP IN BLUE New Year(s). [Which year? When is this? The change in format is a little disruptive.] Cal Towney wakes up to find Ashley Bateman’s side of the ...

TANGLED UP IN BLUE TOM. Things were good, which basically meant that Ashley wasn’t getting any ideas. Most girls think that just because a guy is living with them they ...

TANGLED UP IN BLUE CAL. [It took me just a moment to see what you was doing here. With the name tags. It's a good idea but I think a ...

A few minor suggestions: It threw deep oranges, bright reds into the sky, which became streaked with colour. [This could be a beautiful, descritive sentence if you thought about it ...

I have edited your post: please don't use the title to beg for reviews. Okay I decided that I'd give you a critique anyway because I've got a bit of ...

This is good, though I agree that towards the end it starts to sound a little cheesy but it's sweet too and you have some lovely descriptions. My main criticism ...

I'm going to critique this four lines at a time... As if I’m standing on a cliff top, staring at the sea below, my body quakes pathetically. [Try saying this ...

Ooooh, I like this. For such a short piece, it really says a lot and I love your metaphorical way of writing. But I'd really like to see it expanded. ...

There's a good, strong theme behind this and from what I can see, you've made some great improvements. I'd love to see you use a little more imagery though and ...

Okay, now where to start? The others have covered grammer pretty well and I feel like I can't do anything other than give you a few general observations because this, ...

Living in Mercer Island until our adulthood, Arabella, Liam, Alex and I often discussed what had made us come together. [I'd suggest 'what brought us together' rather than 'what had ...

Oooh, I much prefered this chapter to the other one, it's great. You've got some really solid humour, not too over the top but not so subtle and complex that ...

The enemies fired their guns relentlessly as everyone huddled behind an outcropping of rocks for cover. Caboose was behind another rock a few yards away. [This is a little awkward. ...

Haha, I look forward to the edited version of this I think. But yes, you certainly need to go further with your description! Good characterization in there though, I love ...

The last two sections are good but I think you need to add just a little bit more description, like show us how the clothes are ugly rather than telling ...