Rydia

I haven't read the previous critiques so forgive me if I repeat anything: Chapter 2: Dynamo and Amber arrived at a large [Comma here.] open field after leaving Horizon City. ...

I walked into the study and shut the door behind me. There, behind the desk, was Aidan. He was the oldest in this family, the one who gave this family ...

Chapter two We rode the bike at city speed limits. He followed the directions I gave him via the microphones that he had in the helmets. We ended up going ...

Ash In The Box "Good morning Uncle Scott," Dianne says as she walks into the store, the bell chiming above her head. [Good mention of the bell, it gives a ...

Chapter One I stood outside the rotten, iron gate looking into the old , abandon ed manor. It had been, at least a decade, [The two commas are unnecessary.] since ...

“There’s a bunch of classes, I don’t know which one to pick.” [Why does he say this out loud? That seems a little unrealistic. Have him think it instead. Or ...

My first suggestion links in with that of the user above me: don't use Arcadia as a name for your game. It sounds really cool but it's just been used ...

Hey there, sorry for the delay! Okay so my first impression of this is that it's short but then that's rather obvious and prologues are often short. The trouble is ...

Sorry about the delay! Here's a few specific comments to start with: Otacon’s white lab cloak rustled in the light breeze, [I'd suggest a full stop here because I think ...

Sorry it's taken me so long to get to this, my dear. I'm just going to go ahead and start with a line by line and then see if I ...

Sorry its taken a while for me to get to this but here's your crit =) I'll start with a line by line and then see if I can give ...

Dawn with Fox. [This is a strange way to phrase your title. It makes me think Dawn is a person at first and I suppose that will be proved right ...

I'm not the best at writing or critiquing songs but I'll see what I can do... You Knew [Not the most interesting of titles but as far as song titles ...

Now I can see why Dreamer pointed me in your direction. You've not had the best of reviews... but anyway, welcome to the site. If you need a helping hand ...

Out of Focus I picked a great day to do this , I think as I step out of my car. The clouds hang low in the sky, painting the ...