PsychicNinja

It's really short and kinda strong.... I should be longer... Sorry >.< I don't really like this. ~Psychic

Sorry, Joel, I don't do storybooks. I didn't say it was going to be one, either. :D 8) Oh, and guess what, my brother (ninja-Z) is now going to help ...

The '...' there was just a typo, I believe. Thanks. This is supposed to be a prologue, so it's short. Technically, it's a flashforward into the future from where the ...

Had to leave, but now I'm back. Her eyes went in and out of focus and she could barely tell whether she was moving her arm or her leg. You ...

Konbanwa, Audra-chan. Here to comment on the last part of your first..draft?..of Ayumi. I'll get to critting your reworked story after this ^_^: Realizing she had let the Byakuugan fade ...

Moving on: As if they were obedient dogs, the water dragons dove at Ayumi. “Water Dragon Strike!” So Emi..a water ninja? I'm sorta confused at the village Emi comes from. ...

Konbanwa, Audra-chan. I am here for your next crit. :wink: Again, I'm critting as I go along: “I’ve told you five times! I have a special ability called ‘Flames of ...

Whoa, geez, that was the longest crit I've done. :wink: Then again, I can crit better on things that I can relate to. ~~T~~ :D

Okay, in the ten minutes between this post and my last, I remembered something, Audra-chan! Handsigns! You need to include them more and maybe do a little research on them. ...

*adds* Other explanations like the orange walls, I needed to (vaguely) explain how Kwest and Lira got to be in charge of ZDY. Anyway, thanks for the grammar suggestions.^^ ~Jedi ...

Thanks, Heather (I mean Timea ^_~). To be honest, I really just wrote and wrote in this chapter when I was in a writing mood. I know I need to ...

Fix up the few grammar stuff and it'll be short and sweet. I especially like the last line. Good luck! ~Psychic

I liked this too. I thought it was very good. The only problem I had was that you repeated sugar glass heart again. ~Timea

Hey-just wanna thank everyone for their help! I really use most of your suggestions! I haven't posted a part in a while, but it's written and I just need to ...

Hey Steph! As long as I'm here, I'll comment! Okay, well the beginning sounds good, but then it just confuses me. Some of the concepts don't really match each other. ...