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  • Short Story » Science Fiction, General
    Re: A Flash Fiction

    “Not much of a view, is it?” John turned away from the window. I really liked this intro. beginning a story with dialogue always shakes things up, and it really ...

    Jul 24, 2010

  • Short Story » Science Fiction, General
    Re: Makes you think

    Ok, first off, there were a lot of grammar mistakes, as others have pointed out. You need to read voerthis stuff more precisely. Mostly they were problems with punctuation, but ...

    Jul 24, 2010

  • Short Story » Science Fiction, General
    Re: Sick (Critique more than welcome!)

    This was a very well written story. A few quibbles though. First off, the ravens seem very... well, very human. They're unusually smart, and understanding of human nature. I would ...

    Jul 24, 2010

  • Short Story » Science Fiction, General
    Re: Clan Claw

    I really liked this. It's very well written, and keeps the reader interested. I can only assume from this story that we're dealing with zombies. I love zombie stories, and ...

    Jul 24, 2010

  • Novel / Chapter » Fantasy, General
    Re: Title: Why not. Chapter 4: Dont let me stop you

    hmm, this one was... interesting, to say the least. It answers a few questions, but creates more then it answers. We still don't know what's going on, other then the ...

    Jul 24, 2010


  • I hate to say this, and it may just me being dumb, but I have no idea what is going on. I got the first two chapters, but now I'm ...

    Jul 24, 2010

  • Short Story » General, General
    Re: The Hawk

    hmm, I liked it, but there are a few things that I want to point out. First, you start the story off with "He". It seems a little awkward. try ...

    Jul 24, 2010

  • Novel / Chapter » Fantasy, General
    Re: Title: Why Not. Chapter 2: Just A Regular Day part 2

    “Well, I better go,” I say, knowing that being late for detention wouldn't be the best way to begin detention. I kiss him goodbye and walk to detention with him ...

    Jul 24, 2010

  • Novel / Chapter » Fantasy, General
    Re: Title: Why Not. Chapter 1: Just A Regular Day

    This was interesting. As it was mentioned before, you don't really draw the reader in, with the first paragraph. You need a good hook to grab their attention. I was ...

    Jul 24, 2010

  • Novel / Chapter » Action / Adventure, General
    Re: Crashing Down - Chapter 3

    This chapter was ok, but I didn't quite like is as much as the first two. By the time he woke up, the blood should have mostly been dry. I ...

    Jul 22, 2010

  • Novel / Chapter » Action / Adventure, General
    Re: Crashing Down - Chapter 2

    I'm back! I liked this chapter even more then the first one. There was lots more action to keep the reader involved, and it flowed better. I think that Mrs. ...

    Jul 22, 2010

  • Novel / Chapter » Action / Adventure, General
    Re: Crashing Down - Chapter 1

    Hmm, this was interesting. I like the plot. It's interesting, and pulls you in. The main thing is the science. Now, you can ignore this, I just can't really get ...

    Jul 22, 2010

  • Novel / Chapter » General, General
    Re: Angler (The Novel)

    I liked it, but there are a few things that I want to point out. First, you need to space it out a little more. My eyes were going buggy, ...

    Jul 22, 2010

  • Poetry » Other, General
    Re: Those I cannot Save

    hmm, I liked this, but it was very depressing. I'm all depressed now. On to the critique. Some of the rhythym and rhymes seem forced, try having it flow a ...

    Jul 20, 2010

  • Short Story » Science Fiction, General
    Re: Prisoner of War

    I absolutely loved the description. It was expansive and it let you see exactly what was going on. Maybe, instead of just telling what happened, this would be the perfect ...

    Jul 18, 2010


Never use your shield as a dinner plate, for that is when the enemy is most likely to attack.
— The KotGR Commander