PoetChan

I really like this story. The overall flow is very good, and I like the titular metaphor you chose. It adds to the nervousness that is a key trait of ...

The story itself was written very well, but I have a few key points. One, as Sky said, the grammar and syntax is a little off in some points. The ...

You have a strong plot line going, but it's a bit hard to follow. I think the beginning starts far too in media res. It reads a bit like a ...