PerforatedxHearts

Um, I don't know what's so funny about it...? O.o Anyways, ditto Jerikas. In the first paragraphs, I was a bit confused...I didn't understand if the sentence was part of ...

I haven't read Part One, which is sort of why I feel so lost, but you've got a few excess "bits" that you really don't need. Just, really, little commentary ...

Yeah, I agree with Loose. The FBI training? What does that have to do with anything? Not unless you give more background. When I read that FBI training part, I ...

Yeah, I felt like the professor's character wasn't very consistent. Umm...also, it seems like it ends at a bad place. I can't tell you where to end it, it just ...

Mm...4th paragraph, Nancy Davis one. You've got 3 consecutive sentences starting with "and". It's okay for 2 sentences, but 3 just sounds lame. And the sentences are too short, too ...

For one thing, you've got numerous grammatical, spelling, and sentence structure mistakes. Run this through Word again, and read this ALL out loud to yourself, mkie? For now, change the ...

For some reason, this sounds like a Chicken Soup for the Soul story. Which means it's not particularly good. Okay, so if you're going for the real-life look, then you ...

Yes, the structure was very, very powerful. I think that overall, without the typos and the little "intro" at the beginning [save that for comments and such], this piece smacks ...

I guess the end was worth reading. I liked the dialogue there. But she's right. Cliche, cliche, cliche. Plus, Alexial sounds really strange to read out loud along with all ...

Same with Mikey. I thought the title was the kind to draw readers in. Plus, it was pretty funny. Make it longer, expand on this story idea, and you'll most ...

Okay, well. I guess I'd have to read a lot more of this to actually be interested. Typical romance, nothing different..yet. You've still to put your own twist on this. ...

You seriously need to proofread this, and hire a copy editor. Of course, this belongs in the romantic section, we all know that. But you seem to rush through the ...

I've never really read a short story that was sectioned off in chapters. that sounds more like a novellete or whatever to me. Try using "~" or just paragraph 2 ...

I actually liked this story. A bit long [but of course I'm always short of time], and is it just me or does the guy seem to fall in love ...

Basically everything Snoink and Co. said. XD The end was lyrical, song-like. You've got good potential for this story, but I feel like you need to elaborate this more. Make ...