PeanutPhoebe

Thanks, BFF!! love it when you have some constructive criticism for me. Actually, i was kinda thinking as i read it over that it need some better description and flow...

Thanks, I'll get to work on that sometime...i'll probably post it again when it's revised..

It could have a better start and ending. Once you get going, it flows pretty well, but it could probably use a little more explanation and descriptions to tell about ...

Amazing!! I love the way that you describe everything so that you can see it in your mind...i think you should turn this into an even longer story...almost a story ...