PandaAiKorai

Instead of "twinkly 'plink'", try something more along the lines of, 'high-pitched "plink"'. The only time you use single quotes is when you're already using them, like in dialogue. And ...

,y= my. say= saw. SPELL CHECK. It takes WAY less to read over your story than to write it, trust me. As for the sounds the animals make, try just ...

Your use of the word "that" is excessive. Please fix "that".(; Somply= simply. Clicks= cliques. "Reached to my blue locker"= reached my blue locker. Sorry to be so nit-picky, but ...

This leaves much to the imagination. Could be a psycho ex-lover left in the dust and plotting a way to get her beloved back. In the most vile of ways, ...

There are two other parts? I might just go read, haha! This was most amusing, even for a short parody piece. It reminds me of those "Chatroom" situations you see ...

your gather= you gather. The way you break off in stanzas seems chaotic, which doesn't, in my opinion, represent the mood of the narrator. The person speaking is more at ...

I understood the meaning behind the poem, before reading the spoiler, though it did fill some gaps. Whether or not you're into this sort of thing, the rhythm of the ...

The poem's mood seems to revert back and forth. At first, I believed Death, or the Grim Reaper, was the unseen entity in this poem, then God Himself. I am ...

Jot and Chance seem to be developing a love-hate relationship. Or somewhat along those lines. At any rate, I loved this chapter just as I enjoyed the others! I hope ...

Sweetheart, I must be honest, your sentences run on so much, my eyes can't stay glued for long. "she tells me, her words slurring just a smidge, Samantha having already ...

It seems that the first commenter had taken the liberty to point out all the issues I'd meant to. You really should go back and check those out, did you ...

This is going to sound extremely harsh, but I couldn't read beyond the first paragraph- hardly that much. I'm sorry, but your use of words is... is almost elementary. ): ...

I had to read it a couple times before truly understanding this piece. Because I have read the book, and wondered just which parts your comparing. I'm assuming its to ...

"Don't you see how pitiful you look, trying to placate yourself with kleenex tissues? Why don't you stop moping around- you've already been robbed, what have you got to lose?" ...

A heart-wrenching piece! And very easy to relate to. We've all experienced that one person that leaves you in the dust, your heart feeling... dirty, smothered with soot. It's a ...