Octave

First of all, I'm not going to go through this with a detailed review because I can see the problems from a few thousand miles away. oo" Your main problem ...

Whoever my target was, he obviously had no idea that he was at risk. I don't really like this as a first sentence because it feels kind of weak despite ...

Chewing monotonously I'm not sure if it's possible to chew monotonously. oo , the boar was quietly Too many adverbs in just one sentence. It doesn't really bode well for ...

"Sir, are you alright?" said the boy from the top of the stairs looking down on me, a man of great age. Too many things going on in one sentence. ...

So Kyll. I don't know if you know, but I have this thing against reading notes placed before the story. So naturally, I ignored the spoiler. =D Luperca Blood. Death. ...

“You know why Kerani should stay here,” my father said. “It’s the same reason you want her to go to the palace.” Fairly compelling. =] My mother Sounds a bit ...

A spider crawled up Molly’s spine as she made her way out in to the bitter, neglected You'll want to be careful with double adjectives as they get old really ...

First things first, this is gorgeous. oo As mentioned by Gryphon, the atmosphere is thick and rich, almost decadent. However, I think my problem with this piece also lies in ...

Comments in red. Gabriella hangs up her coat at the door. You can stand to have a more tense beginning. This is flat and, frankly, quite boring.. She moves through ...

Comments will be in red. ^^ It was something my therapist said to me once: Go to your Happy Place. I'm not sure about the way this is punctuated, but ...

Hi there! ^^ I'm Octave, and I'm here to review your work. Judging from the format of this, I'm going to go ahead and assume the paragraphing is intentional and ...

Hey~ ^^ So I reviewed the first time you posted this piece, and I'm coming back to review it again. First things first, I'd advise you to cut out the ...

Hi there~ ^^ Octave here. Anyway, the first thing I want to note about your piece is that your beginning is unbelievably boring. There's no tension in it whatsover, and ...

Hi there Searria! ^^ Sorry it took me so long to get to this. oo" Anyway, I figure I should tell you I didn't read whatever lurked inside the spoiler. ...

I'll be brutally honest - I disliked this. It's hard to say why I didn't like it. It probably started in the beginning, which felt gimmicky and bland. Sure, it's ...