Nikiller

Thanks for the comments everyone, much appreciated. However, Galerius I would like to come back to you on a few points: you were cushioned or was the preacher cushioned within ...

I think everyone else has highlighted the main errors. Main point from me: watch your structure and its consistency. Overall it's a good effort and a nice use of imagery. ...

I think mizz-iceberg covered everything I was going to say. The main advice from me: work on your choice of language and particularly your grasp of it. Good luck.

i enjoyed it and i feel that you used the first person well to tell the story.

the plot is developing nicely, however there is not much reference to the setting. i feel that developing these two together will solidify the story. also describe characters more instead ...