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Wow, just wow. This took my breath away-the love between them was so deep. You do need editing in this piece just re read it in grammer and in spelling. ...

i loved it! It was amazing! I think you've got something really good here. I agree with KD and the rest of the writers above me though. You do have ...

okay; this is great but i hate the non detail issue. You have no discription to anything such as: Characters, MC, houses, places. YOU NEED THAT. it will fill your ...

I agreewith Tiger and LovableLittleSock. But i thought that this was so breathtaking and romantic. Your MC and characters were thrown in, you need description of places and characters! I ...

for your first time its not that bad. did you ever write before this? its good really. but you need to describe more in everything and characters. to tell you ...

Nice. I forgot to add something in all my replies- you need more description! This is key! Right now i have NO clue where this takes place (city, coutry) how ...

i like\d it. You had some errors here. You have to keep your tences the same, you moved from Past Tence to Present Tence in 1 pargraph -- and you ...

i love these kind of stories, it took my breath away. But i agree with Sachi. You should edit some parts, i was lost. Just edit and PM me when ...

i lost interest. I dont wanna be the bad guy here or anything but i hate the 16-year-old pregnancy story, it happened before. I agree with all the writers above ...

I agree fully with Ester Sylvester. You need work here, we've read these kind of things many times. Make it more interesting. Overall: Nice, i loved reading it and cant ...

Its nice, but your description still lacks. I had the same problem, but it all worked out. How did Nara end up in the bedroom, magic? you gotta describe that ...

its nice! i would just wanna know their ages and personalites, and add more description to everything! the plot is good, you just need the DETAILS! i blew me away ...

I loved it, but for me the MC was way too excited about this. I think you can do better than this. The beginning can be more better, more slower ...

i like it. its nice. just it sometimes in some parts sound like a list "He did this" "I went there" I had that problem too, but you have it ...

its nice. i wouldnt read these types of things unless its by the actual author of the book. i know J.K. Rowling made Harry and Ginny, Ron and Hermionie; but ...