Myth

An improvement. She strode over to a polished wooden table, and set the box down on it’s smooth, shiny surface. Should be: its

I’ve come to the end at last =] As I’ve said before, you influenced me to go out and research American history for myself—I’m still reading through things slowly, will ...

The Imp : Glad you read it, thank you! Will post Are You Me? next week or the one after.

Green = Comment/Correction Black = Review * "I cannot breathe guys ," I said, in a muffled voice. Guys, sounds modern? "You have the Mighty Lord's greatest gift we shall ...

Thank you! You could do that, just enoguh so the snippet doesn't really rely on the background for the reader to understand.

I borrowed it at the weekend, so far it isn't so bad. I usually avoid Dracula/vampire books these days.

I've read a few of them, liked the first didn't have much of an opinion on the others.

Green = Comment/Correction Blue = Suggestion Black = Review * I recollect that John Hathorne nearly was as wily as the Great Being Below, and if not for his cunning ...

Green = Comment/Correction Blue = Suggestion Black = Review * Alaise’s assurances of friends in Lyssene who would take care of them only went so far, seeing as [they were ...

Green = Comment/Correction Blue = Suggestion Black = Review * He hadn’t spoken more than a [handful] of words to the human since Pagrin had seen him on the roof. ...

First thing I noticed were the women and children at the charge[?], would they have been allowed there? Didn’t the men say goodbye at home? Hello Myth, The first Battle ...

Gone.

Dear 'Sari : Hello, you can take your time with the critique, as I know most don't have a lot of free time. Thanks for your points, I've saved them ...

Gone.

Good luck if you decide to rewrite it. At the moment it is a bit like a summary of what is to come. Like you had to give an idea ...