Mysty

One problem I can find here is that you tend to be a bit repetitive. At the start, for instance, you say "in the field" three times; "if not in ...

Hi there! First I'd have to say that you're going to be posting more, you're allowed to make separate topics for each chapter; you can combine them into a novel ...

This is definitely an amusing idea for a story :) You seem to have written it in stream-of-consciousness, though, because some of it is a little long and rambly. Also, ...

I really enjoyed both of these! They were well-written and just long enough to catch your attention. I think my only issue was you using 'at length.' It can actually ...

My personal opinion on this is that you don't need that first paragraph. It's just telling us things that we should be reading about later in the story. I'm sure ...

The first thing I noticed was that you have no spacing in here besides between scenes. You may or may not have noticed, but the forums on here don't allow ...

You have a good idea here, but I kind of felt like you were telling more than showing. This was probably because of the lack of dialogue. Dialogue moves a ...

Hmm. Yeah, I wasn't sure what exactly this was. I know it's just a preview, but if you're looking for opinions on whether you should continue this or not, I'd ...

I think this is a rather good story, though you tend to ramble in parts. You repeat words and sometimes say the same thing more than once. I have to ...

I'd have to agree that this chapter could use revising. Besides the fact that it was unrealistic (look up deus ex machina some time when you're bored) it went fairly ...

Everyone else pretty much covered it, so I'd have to say my main problem is that some of the dialogue feels stiff. Reba is a teenager, right? I'm assuming so ...

This is rather short; I'd call it flash fiction more than a short story. That said, maybe it shouldn't be flash fiction. There's clearly more to this than you were ...

I think the biggest issue with this is that you switch tenses a lot. You mostly stay in past tense so I'm guessing that's what this story is supposed to ...

I thought the story was overall good; I particularly liked the beginning, since I have a soft spot for stories that focus on children but aren't actually children's stories. As ...

I think it was the first reviewer who basically picked this thing apart, so I won't repeat any of it since she basically got it. But I will agree that ...