Love [edited]

its more of a short ending then it is a short story.
you should describe the situation, then describe the
character proposeing to the woman.

This is rather short; I'd call it flash fiction more than a short story. That said, maybe it shouldn't be flash fiction. There's clearly more to this than you were able to put into such a short piece. If you extended this and explain about the situation of the character (because it seems like he's been thinking about how to propose for a while now) then it could be a good story.

Oh, and I'd suggest rewording that first sentence. There's metaphors and then there's... well, that. Made me think of the anime Yu-Gi-Oh, where the main characters LITERALLY get lost in Yugi's mind. Yeah.

Hello there, stranger!! XD Guess what? I'm finally reviewing because I'm an awesome friend like that.

I never knew you could write romantic fiction.... It's amazing! And very cute! (: I love the emotions and details in it, though it is short. Oh-well. Sometimes short is better ^_^ I agree with some of the other reviewers, though. It would be cool if you continued it So! On to the grammatical errors:

When he walked up to her she smiled.

Then, when he opened, it he whispered to her, "Evelyn, will you marry me?"

A grin spread across her face..."Yes."

Matt paced through the corridors of his mind.

Awww.. I like it. It's short, but cute.

Anyway, is this a prolouge or something? I think it would be better if you will make it as a novel. A continuation of this story would be good.

Keep it up!

This is so good so far .. pretty short but im guess thats how its supposed to be .. am i right? ... well i really like your use of details . it really makes you invision the setting and its all ways good to add detail in my opinion
- from - sizxskizz

Hey.
Well, this was probably the best story I have reviewed today. I love the fact that there is emotion and I can feel it. Even though it is something I have seen before, sometimes, in this case, the quality of the story is determined by how it is displayed and you did a good job I should say. Your vocabulary and the way you describe the actions of your characters is believable and I love it. I also happen to be a sucker for love stories so, this was great. But work on your suspense though, to draw me in a bit more.
I hope to see more of this kind of writing from you.

Hey Brother Dearest! I'm here (as always) to comment on your lovely work!! My corrections will be in pink (not really my color is it? Oh well.)

ERANBEAR wrote:Matt paced through the corridors of his mind. He couldn't find the right thing to say. That's when it hit him. He walked to the corner of Central Park, and then he saw her sitting on the tangerine would you really call it a color? It's more of a taste to me picnic blanket. Her soft strawberry perfect! But still the taste. locks. The blush on her rosy cheeks. you needed to backspaces maybe three Evelyn. When he walked up to her comma she smiled. As he knelt down, he fumbled with the little black box in his pocket. Then, when he opened it?, it he whispered to her, "Evelyn, will you marry me?"
A grin spread across her face..."Yes." What does her voice sound like? Yoyu could go with the taste thing you have going on and say honey....
He gently slid the diamond ring onto her slender finger comma and then, he kissed her. They drew each other closer. His hand found the small of her back. Then he gently caressed her cheeks. When they released their embrace, Matt said three words, "I love you."

sorry guys im new just got on yesterday and when i was editing i did something wrong and i had to start over

Hello there!

This is like a random short love story but I like it.

Matt paced through the corridors of his mind.A good start in here. Maybe rephrase the first line 'cause this confused me a little. He couldn't find the right thing to say. That's when it hit him. He walked to the corner of Main Street, and then he saw her. Her soft strawberry locks. The blush on her rosy cheeks. Evelyn.I love this description. When he walked up to her she smiled. As he knelt down, he fumbled with the little black box in his pocket. Then, when he opened, it he whispered to her, "Evelyn, will you marry me?"

This is really good so far!I like how you describe her hair as "Her soft strawberry locks." It sound better then red hair. I agree that you could make it more suspenseful so your readers could be more on the edge of their seats! Good Poem! PM me if you want another review!

-KAH

This is nice so far. Maybe you could try and add more suspense, particularly before he proposes and before she says yes. Good job!