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Haha i gotcha. Sounds like me most of the time

hey Bisc, thanks. Yeah, a lot of what you say here echoes what Blue said below. As for the little bit about Malcolm not seeing his dad's reaction, it originally ...

hey Bisc, thanks. Yeah, a lot of what you say here echoes what Blue said below. As for the little bit about Malcolm not seeing his dad's reaction, it originally ...

Okay. Obviously for now during LMS I'll leave it as is, but I'll make a note about that in my novel planning notebook

thanks blue. So I was wanting to give each MC two chapters of intro, and that would lead to the end of next chapter having Devlin come running in. So ...

ok yeah, I'll make a note of it for rewrites. I really intended to have more backstory in this chapter, but idk it just ended up being really short

okay, maybe just talking to Frasier for longer or something? Mentioning Sadorians and where the rest of the army is etc?

Yup. Everything you said is jut.. yup. xD I feel like I have a lot of what you are talking about that I know, I'm just struggling to not feel ...

Hehe hey Bisc. Lots of nitpicks right? I'm always in a hurry to post without doing some basic fixes xD That one sentence with the weapon waaas italic but good ...

Ok. I thought it was fine but it never hurts to double check

Bahaha

Hey i know this is late but hey when do mothers get a day off? Was the dialogue ok? It's been a while since i wrote any

Haha thanks blue. I get a lot of what you're saying. I was trying to not be very telly. I have the idea of what theyre guarding but i wasn't ...

Awww thanks :D you're too kind

BTW you can keep the cart scene if you want. I just didn't like the transition sentence. I didn't think the names were a problem. But if you're choosing between ...