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McMourning

  • Novel / Chapter » Mystery / Suspense, Realistic Re: The Smell Of Petrol (Prologue)

    It seems like you have the start of an entertaining story. I think you should take your idea and run with it. You may need to write to the end ...

    Jul 2, 2012
  • Poetry » Spiritual, General Re: Through the End

    I enjoyed reading this, but I'm not sure I understand what it is about. What is this unending love? Did you have something in mind? I think TazmaniaGirl is right ...

    Jul 2, 2012
  • Poetry » Horror, Dramatic Re: Come to Me Children, and See What I See

    I have read this multiple times and I am unsure about it. There are parts that I like and there are parts that confuse me. I like the initial repetition ...

    Feb 22, 2012
  • Novel / Chapter » Fantasy, General Re: Satan's Successor - Chapter Two

    Hi Courtney. "You've got to be kidding me! This many demons? What, you'd think they were starting a zoo." Love this. Great way to start your chapter. I enjoyed reading ...

    Dec 15, 2011
  • Poetry » Other, General Re: Between 9:03 and 10:26

    I agree that your words painted the image perfectly in my mind. However, I do think your poem could use a little work. There's a difference between "pretending i am ...

    Dec 15, 2011
  • Poetry » Other, General Re: Slow Down

    Hmm....I understand that this came from a prompt, but I feel like the slashes are distracting. A prompt is merely a starting point for a rough draft. Much revision can ...

    Dec 15, 2011
  • Short Story » Historical Fiction, General Re: When We Do Meet Again

    I like how you start telling the story right away. It especially works well with this format. It's interesting how you chose to tell snippets of different people's lives. However, ...

    Nov 27, 2011
  • Short Story » Historical Fiction, General Re: Princess story for contest

    She didn’t dress like a princess, or talk like a princess, or act like a princess because she was pretending to be a regular girl. Why would she do that ...

    Nov 27, 2011
  • Article / Essay » General, General Re: Knowledge

    It is one of the most important things in life; it's the key for survival Ever since the beginning of history, knowledge is created by observing and analyzing. Two small ...

    Aug 24, 2011
  • Article / Essay » General, General Re: Raw Art

    Hmm... It certainly is well-researched and written. I found a few grammars errors, though... Similarly, the cause of madness in hatters, such as in Alice in Wonderland This should be ...

    Aug 24, 2011
  • Novel / Chapter » Action / Adventure, General Re: Degeneration One - Chapter Two

    Ahh...I always wanted to write about the CIA. Bravo for actually doing it. You pulled it off better than I would have. You grabbed the reader's attention early on. Nice. ...

    Aug 23, 2011
  • Other » General, General Re: Text Message Scandal!

    Interesting. I'm sure it was hard to write in text-speak. I don't think I could do it. Voldy: How woz i? Bella: Gr8! sexier dan eva!so confidt n 4ceful! Um...Maybe ...

    Aug 23, 2011
  • Novel / Chapter » General, General Re: The Cavalcade of the Pied Piper Ch4

    Hello, Djinn. You seem to have a good handle on this story. Although it seemed long looking at it, I read it through quickly because it moved along nicely. “I’s ...

    Aug 23, 2011
  • Novel / Chapter » Fantasy, General Re: Diverting Illusions: Chapter Two

    Hello, RedRum. I agree that you have a really strong opening there. I think the story overall is an interesting idea. I've heard of spirit walking before, but that was ...

    Aug 23, 2011
  • Novel / Chapter » Historical Fiction, General Re: Ch 10: Careless Lovers

    For the last weeks I had been living a dream… my dream that I had never before dared to believe that it would ever come true. It seems like a ...

    Aug 23, 2011


Who knew Kansas City had its own branch of the Yakuza?
— Jason Sudeikis