Luvzi12

Perhaps it is spelt different in the US, but in England 'fetus' (as you spelt it) is spelt 'foetus'. Sorry, just thought I would mention that, but, as I said, ...

It's a good start and actually seems to resonate with somethings that i think about when i wake up! I love to dream, but never thought of waking up as ...

each one covered in black woolen cloaks. Am curious, did you mean that they were both wearing multiple cloaks? Or is this a typo and they were both wearing a ...

I was quite surprised that you didn't use J. K. Rowling's style, but I've never actually read fan fiction before, so i guess you don't have to imitate the style ...

Okay, just a few suggestions: I feel so lost at his gaze Tears started to run down my face. The words 'feel' and 'started' contradict each other because the word ...

He needed to hear the sound of his own voice for reassurance that he hadn't gone deaf. The deafening silence was too much for him to bear. I don't think ...

I don’t notice the cold, the fact that my hands are so numb There should be a semi-colon (;) after the word cold. The water is quiet I'm confused, which ...

Just a few little nitpicks: I know she wishes to be at there, Perhaps it should be 'she wishes to be out there?' a threadbare armchair, with bare legs Just ...

I really enjoyed this and was hooked from the very beginning, it is very well-written and I really got a sense of the scene and could picture a scared and ...

It seems you have practically nothing but good reviews, and I am no different! I loved it! Just one small point I would raise: Would they watch us all, alive? ...

I really want to read it, but I'm terrified of bees! Like, I have a phobia, I liked watching Pushing Daisies until it had bees in and I had to ...

After I ordered the extra pizza, the first pizza arrived, and we started getting calls explaining the no-shows excuses. Becca had a date with Derron (who forgot and showed up ...

I sit on the little cliff on the edge of the forest Maybe you were attempting a poetic voice, but I think 'I am sitting' or 'I sat' would be ...

His black hair was greased back on top of his head. No need for 'on top of his head', where else would his hair be? He was a dork, but ...

I really don't have anything to add, the critical appraisal before me said everything I wanted to say, and it was a very good criticism too! (Sorry, I'm crticising the ...