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LilyJamey

  • Short Story » General, General Re: She never wears plaits

    Hey, Vera, I'm Lily (well, duh) and I'm going to give your first brutalisation critique! :twisted: My comments and nitpickies are in bold. Vesper is 15 fifteen (write out numbers) ...

    Sep 24, 2009
  • Short Story » General, General Re: Angel, a story without pronouns

    Hello there! Fine piece you have here. First thing: The piano had been brought there by an older kid that lived in the neighborhood­ during a rowdy party, and chaos ...

    Sep 21, 2009
  • Short Story » General, General Re: A deadly secret

    Hey, pudin'! I'm Lily, your reviewer for the evening (or morning, depending on where you are). Pleased to meet you. Firstly, it's a relief to see that you practise proper ...

    Sep 12, 2009
  • Short Story » Romantic, General Re: You Soft and Lonely/You Lost and Lonely

    'Lo there! Always looking forward to critiquing your work (because it's always a nice read and there's room for improvement). On to the review! My thoughts, when inside the quotes, ...

    Jul 1, 2009
  • Short Story » General, General Re: On Letting Go

    As usual, I'll begin with dreaded nitpicks. I picked up some typos and grammatical errors, and my comments are in bold. Cherished will be these final moments I have with ...

    Jun 28, 2009
  • Novel / Chapter » General, General Re: Winter: part1

    'Ello there! I'm Lily, and I'll be your critic for this evening. Now, for the dreaded critiquing: Breaking It Up One of the sentences I didn't really understand:- As I ...

    Jun 24, 2009
  • Short Story » General, General Re: The Emoeror's Mistress

    Um, perhaps nobody told you, but you have to do two reviews for each work you post on the site. It's called the 2:1 ratio. Please read the rules for ...

    Mar 9, 2009
  • Short Story » General, General Re: Not sure: ideas wanted

    Corrections in bold, comments underlined! Be forewarned: I didn't read the previous reviews. Chapter 1: Why was everyone staring at me? Did I have something on my face? Did I ...

    Mar 8, 2009
  • Novel / Chapter » General, General Re: In Paradise...(Chapter one part two)

    It's exam season, and I really shouldn't be doing this. I've successfully curbed posts for about two weeks now.. but I can't stand it no more! I agree with muffy ...

    Feb 25, 2009
  • Short Story » General, General Re: A dog at christmas time.

    I've not much time, so I'll be as brief as possible! No comments and chatisements on your grammar or punctuation and stuff. Barney looked up at the stunningly decorated Christmas ...

    Feb 14, 2009
  • Article / Essay » Review, General Re: Worst Book You've Ever Read

    I 'as gots more!! The Pearl is the "boringest" book I've ever read. The descriptions are flimsy. I can't see the pictures at all. The bombastic words are actually French. ...

    Feb 8, 2009
  • Short Story » General, General Re: Anomaly 1

    Don't worry too much 'bout your grammar, I'll help you fix it. I'm a grammar freak. Chapter one Not human " You're... you're not human!" a dark-haired girl screamed as ...

    Feb 8, 2009
  • Short Story » General, General Re: Dream school

    I thought I should finally stop slacking and start reviewing, so... (This is the first part, i will add the rest later.) I have a dream, but nobody seems to ...

    Feb 8, 2009
  • Novel / Chapter » Romantic, General Re: The Dreamwalker

    Be warned - I nitpick. A miraculous, bittersweet, extraordinary dream that gripped so tightly to my heart so much so that I could barely breathe any longer. I was entranced, ...

    Feb 1, 2009
  • Novel / Chapter » Romantic, General Re: Blind - Chapter 19

    Very guilty now. I've been reading this series for a while now.. And this is my first critique. *hangs head in shame* Now! To work! *snaps on gloves and takes ...

    Jan 31, 2009


Sometimes you don’t need metaphors to feel something breaking
— candyhearts