She never wears plaits

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

Anyway let's get right to it,

Vesper is 15 and restless.

She wants a new best friend, a new guitar, new everything. The night before today she went to a party, at the moment she is not exactly sure what happened but her blond hair was tied into messy plaits and, reader let me tell you, Vesper never wears plaits.

She also found herself in a foreign bed, in a foreign room with a hideous Marilyn Manson poster on the ceiling. Sitting next to her was a boy with a bad case of acne and had reminiscence of his hair gel on a pillow. On a mattress next to her is a girl with a fire of red hair that she roughly remembers from her maths class. She is lying on a boys chest, face smeared with pink lipstick into a wonky grin.

Then she looked at herself. Surprisingly, her fingers were the first thing her gaze went to.

They were smeared messily with permanent marker and the skin around the nail was gnawed off.

But then she saw the rest of her body, she was naked, to begin with, her legs and arms sprawled aimlessly on the mattress. But she noticed that her body was not all the pale pink of her skin, some of it was ink.

Horrified she stood up and looked at herself in the mirror, writer had conveniently written the writing backward so she could read it.

Written in a bearably readably style, Stretching out along her legs and torso were the words “soon to be on youtube.”

Oh no.

Hola Vera,
Just some things for criticism:

I think it's been said, but I'm not sure exactly how the first paragraph fits into the rest of the story.
Also, and maybe this is a regional thing, or a girl thing, but I have no idea what plaits are.
And finally, I'm not exactly sure what's happened in the story. She wakes up naked in a bedroom, on top of a boy, with another girl on another mattress next to her. She looks at her naked body in the mirror to discover that someone has written "soon to be on youtube" on it? Now, I don't want to be a stickler, but nudity can't even be on youtube, as far as I've heard.

Now, onto the positives. I think you've created a really cool character, and the voice and mood of your story are really great. And in particular, I think you've got one really cool line:

VeraWinters wrote:her body was not all the pale pink of her skin, some of it was ink.

This story didn't really appeal to me. For a start the never wearing plaits didnt make sense, it is more the title of a thriller than of a rather short almost embarassing tale.
Also the story doesn't really flow. For example you explained that the girl beside her had a "fire of red hair", but why do we need to know this?
You could have said something along the lines of "Beside her lying unconcious on the boy was a familiar faced student with auburn red hair flowing in a mess around her."
Basically look back over this do ALOT of editing and come back to me.

Hey, Vera, I'm Lily (well, duh) and I'm going to give your first brutalisation critique!

My comments and nitpickies are in bold.

VeraWinters wrote:Vesper is 15 fifteen (write out numbers) and restless.
She wants a new best friend, a new guitar, new everything. Not sure how this line fits in with the rest of your piece. The night before today she went to a party. Fullstop (or period, depending on where you're from), not comma. At the moment she is not exactly sure what happened, comma here but her blond hair was Do you mean "is"? That would make more sense. tied into messy plaits and reader, let me tell you, Vesper never wears plaits.
She also found herself in a foreign bed, in a foreign room with a hideous Marilyn Manson poster on the ceiling. Sitting next to her was a boy with a bad case of acne and had reminiscence not particularly sure, but I think "remains" would work better here. So Mr. Acne is awake? of his hair gel on a pillow. On a mattress next to her is a girl with a fire of red hair that she roughly remembers from her maths class. She is lying on a boy's chest, face smeared with pink lipstick into a wonky grin.
Then she looked at herself. Okay, why the sudden switch in tenses? Surprisingly, her fingers were the first thing her gaze went to.
They were smeared messily with permanent marker and the skin around the nail was gnawed off.
But then she saw the rest of her body. Fullstop, not comma.
She was naked, to begin with, her legs and arms sprawled aimlessly on the mattress. But (I don't think it's really needed.) She noticed that her body was not all the pale pink of her skin, some of it was ink.
Horrified, she stood up and looked at herself in the mirror. Fullstop, not comma. The writer had conveniently written the writing backward so she could read it.
Written you could use another word, like scrawl, to avoid repetitiveness. in a bearably readablyI think you mean barely readable? style, stretching out along her legs and torso, were the words “soon to be on youtube.”
Oh no.