Leja

This doesn't do much for me; it only gives a recap of what's happened, and hasn't presented them in much else than a timeline. It's "you did this" "you did ...

Chapter numbers? ridiculously confusing. All the zeros in the title here kinda look like potatoes... I nod and notice the holes in his arm, probably from an IV. I've tried ...

Fun punctuation ^_^ Not sure if it's completely necessary, but fun anywho. Been reading a bit of e.e. cummings recently? That's great for the novelty, but be warned, that novelty's ...

It's been a while since I read the first draft, but it looks like it's looking up :D There are, however, two major things I've noticed. (1) It seems very ...

Somebody called you pretentious today. It was not that which bugged you, because you have been called that many times before. It was the way it was said, the classic ...

Surprisingly, I liked the first few lines, how they grew longer and longer. That's a nice effect, albeit a tad superficial. Past that, it is rather blunt, and seems to ...

I don't think the rhyming works so well ["I know you read my work but why?/ Has any of it ever made you cry" and the following stanza, especially]. Everything ...

I like the imagery you have here, but it seems almost haphazard at times. For example, in the first stanza, the old tokens collect on the floor, but immediately following, ...

Sure, the words all sound fine together, but what does the poem do beyond that? Unless you are the author, or the girl it is written for, it doesn't do ...

First of all, it's about dancing, so I'm instantly intrigued! And mephisto as well[er, I'm assuming you meant the camera manufacturer at the moment, but there's not much to clue ...

Definitely leave "wind and rain" out of the line you mentioned; it clutters things a bit. Or I suppose you could just leave out the "the" and have: "Fell wind ...

I don't write to impress, Just to merely express; I think these lines could benefit from parallel structure and flow better as a result. This means that since the first ...

I'm not quite sure how to read this. I really want to say "take off your shoes" instead of "take up your shoes" but that doesn't sound as pretty. The ...

This poem is somewhat confusing because there is a period at the end of every line, which stops thoughts in the middle of a phrase. Consider rethinking punctuation as if ...

ooh, I like this very much! Something I didn't care for as much though was the constant questions of the indented lines. It just made them seem... one dimensional, flat, ...