Leahweird

I wish I had more to say about the actual story, but that seems to be coming along swimingly. I wanted to take a moment to adress your sentence structure. ...

I think you're having trouble with tense in this chapter. You keep flipping between past and present. I think that's because your narrator is speaking in the future about the ...

This is an epic prologue. You've managed to put us right into the scene without it feeling abrubt or leaving us wondering what is going on. In fact, you gave ...

It does get confusing sometimes whether Mary or Maria is doing the action. It also seems really sudden. Deciding to kill another person and never go home again is a ...

I have a couple nitpicks. There are a couple typos (a Y in many, a D is god) and you seem to repeat the phrase "a grat deal of power" ...

I don't really have much to say about this piece as of yet, but i wanted to say that I really liked how you told us about the world you've ...

This is a good chapter too. Although I think are having problems with run on sentences. I would recommend trying to keep your thoughs more septerated. I like the dynamic ...

I actually really like your title. It caught my attention. I primarily lurk around the fantasy forum so i might not have found this otherwise, and that would have been ...

This is so good! i can't wait to read more of this story. I think you included just the right amount of information, which is extremly hard to do, especially ...

I really hate to say it, but you stop just when things start to get interesting. The hero lamenting all the things he can never have because of what he ...

Yay! There is another one! I really like this one too. I did spot a couple of nitpicks though. A busdriver's life was never boring, as many might percieve, on ...

*glee* I love it when an argument turns into a step foreward for a pair I'm shipping. It makes me happy. However, I do want to point out that your ...

I actually really like you used classic fanatasy elements in kind of a different style. Very interesting. I love how you managed to make your goblin origional by casually mentioning ...

I actually really liked the flow of this, right up until the last stanza. I'm not entirly sure what's wrong with it though. (So helpful I know). I like the ...

I just got done writing a review in which I stated I don't scare easily, but this was seriously creeping. You have a masterful skill for using the Show Don't ...