Published November 4, 2011
Author's Note:
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Raising his masterpiece to the sky, light danced off in various directions as he turned it slowly, carefully between his fingers.
Lowering his hand, he set out to polish the ring again with an obsessive fervour, trying to make it crystal clear as if the ambivalence that weighed down his mind would obediently mimic the clarity. But of course, no amount of polishing would turn gold in crystal, and a peace of mind continued to elude him accordingly, hidden behind a thick, opaque wall of uncertainty.
Willing himself to stop harassing the ring with a cloth, he inspected it once again. It was indisputably exquisite, crafted painstakingly for his beloved and absolutely unique. From the circle of gold, sized to fit her finger perfectly, rose two fluid shapes. The man, moulded to his exact likeness, held the lady in a tight embrace and her cascade of hair stroked his arms as he kissed her, their faces obscured by the proximity. It was rather disturbing how accurately he immortalised her beauty in gold.
Deciding that he had done the best he could, the creases on his forehead smoothened. Heading out, he promptly stuffed his creation in his pocket, where it would share the company of loose change and pocket lint.
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140,216 Literary Works • 673,044 Reviews
Here we go!
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Hmm, a very interesting comparison being made here to bring across the point of a man with a somewhat troubled and muddled mind there. I think you do a great job with that to really showcase the kind of state of mind this man is in at the moment. It also makes for a pretty interesting start to things here to have this man with troubled thoughts attempting to find a way to be free of them.
Okay, so that appears to be a ring that's based on a design of two lovers and I get the distinct feeling that this is this man and his own lover, who is potentially no longer among the living as suggested by the way that this man is acting at the moment and the general tone of things here. This is certainly a pretty nicely done scene her and one that makes you think quite a bit.
Hmm, I wasn't expecting to see a conclusion to this that appears to be almost satisfying in a sense here with this man successfully completing his creation there and putting it away, almost as a sign of putting whatever incident is tied to it in the past and letting it be forgotten as he moves on. It makes for an interesting message to end on in this pretty intriguing piece here.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Hey there!
First of all, the best thing about this piece is the description. Really, really well done there. Every sentence seemed to be so beautifully crafted and thought out; I could tell that you made a big effort with this piece. I also loved the sentence starters, and I know that sounds a little weird. I simply mean that you took care making the sure the story wasn't a complete mess of "And then he"s and "And then this happened"s- variety is key, and you certainly have variety.
My only complaint is the sentence length. You didn't have any short sentences to break it up a little, if you know what I mean. The prologue consisted of long sentences, lovely yes, but one after the other with no gaps. But this is a nitpick that can be changed by simply chopping a couple of sentences in half or moving words around; it's not much of a big deal.
Overall, I absolutely loved it- nice job!
That's one of the great things about playing with mythology. There is no right version! Not even the Greeks stuck to one story.
Hi there
Actually, Hephaestus is only mentioned in passing, but I do share your view of him! It's more of a demi-god story, but Greek mythology naturally comes into play. But perhaps I could squeeze a little more of him, we'll see ^^
It would be nice to have readers well-versed in Greek mythology to help out though! I've done research, but with multiple accounts of certain events, I wonder who to believe or rely on!
Thank you for giving me a chance
I actually really like your title. It caught my attention. I primarily lurk around the fantasy forum so i might not have found this otherwise, and that would have been a travesty.
Greek mythology? I'm in. Am I right in thinking Hephaestus is involved? I could be utterly wrong, but that is my guess. I ike the characer even if I;m completly wrong. I think we learn a lot about him by the way he wors so hard to make this beautiful thing and then practically forgets about it. i want to see even more of who he is.