Leahweird

Oh snap! Ha ha, I love all the shots you took at modern teen fiction. If they are really getting sucked into that book, I think we readers are about ...

Guinevere opened the door and entered his room You dodn't need to say that she opened the door. It is implied her entering the room. let no doubts she was ...

What a wonderful story! Your pacing was good, your descriptions were enchanting, and I utterly adored your depiction of a girl in love. You are right though, in that it ...

This is a really nice way to start of your story. What a sweet scene. I did have some moments of confusion figuring out who was who, but that happens ...

Very mysterious. I just love the mood you set. You have a really good use of language. One thing I would say is that you need to start new paragraphs ...

I have two,kind of interrelated critiques. TO start with, the mood suddenly changes when you mention she is running because it she is angry. You might try making her feelings ...

Two things I spotted. "seeming" in the first paragraph should probably be "seeing". Also, It's not clear how he would have known that people are after him. Otherwise I am ...

This chapter had all sorts of good stuff. I espeicially love the comment about the Zanni. Little details like that are why I love novels with multiple viewpoints. One thing ...

A couple nitpix. In the first paragraph you use the word alarm twice in the same number of sentences. You might want to revise so you don't have to do ...

Definitely a good start to something. I have teo critisisms though. First, this is just a nitpick but I think you spelled "bureau" wrong. (Unless you were trying to say ...

Wow, big shift in mood there. I think you are having some trouble with "show vs. tell". To use the first paragraph as an example, you don't need to say ...

There are a couple typos and missing words in this, but my main critique is that I spent most of the story wonderig what he had to be indignant about. ...

This is a cool story, but it's skipping along too fast. You're jumping into the main plot before we really know whats going on. It think this is because you ...

This is a really cool piece. I hope it's the startof something. I love how you used colour to set the tone. Under a full moon on top of a ...

You have captured a real moment here. I know that girl, the blond one. In fact I knoe several. They seem to be everywhere. Anyone who has participated in the ...