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Re: The Line: Re-appearing (chapter 2)Edited Version
Hey, 92. Remember me??? Even though you probably hate my guts, bear with my critiques... So... Overall, much better than your last chapter. Your characters all have very distinguishable personalities,
Apr 24, 2007 -
Re: Perspective of the Slow Moving
First off, It was new and original and fun to read...sort of. (mean,...sorry) I just have a couple things to comment on. 1.) Too much description: Description is great and ...
Apr 23, 2007 -
Re: The Mafia Of the Ocean
Jenna- Thanks for your great advice, but there are a few things I'd like to point out... About your grenade launcher comment: It's pretty easy to spot a grenade launcher ...
Apr 22, 2007 -
Re: The Baseball Bat
Everything happens too fast. One minute she's in her living room, the next she's in "an enclosed facility" miles away. Add some action/description on her way there. Let a couple ...
Apr 21, 2007