Kaylyn

This was a great story! Do you have any other posts on this? I would enjoy reading them, and it would be so good! Your grammar was flawless. I have ...

Very original story idea, I like it. I didn't see many grammar mistakes so great job in that area. You should probably put some details in the story. What did ...

This was a bit of a long post. I would suggest that you break it up some. You'll scare off your readers. Great writing style. Tell your friend to get ...

Interesting storyline. I saw a few grammatical errors. For one, Bible is capitilized. You had a few others too, and I am sure that if you read back over it ...

Okay, you have GOT to have good grammar and punctuation. Take some time to edit it. So, here goes my critique. As the sun comes up i look around for ...

Okay this is the second time I am doing this because my computer didn't post it the first time cause I lost connection. This is THE BEST story on here ...

This is a good beginning, you need to work on you punctuation though. Badly. For example you need to fix you dialogue. “Well, it looks like you were wrong Sarah.” ...

You have again came up with a fantastic chapter. Your truey talented and I envy your talent. I wish that I could write as well as you. This chapter can't ...

This was most definately an info dump, but its a prologue after all. I like your descriptions. There is one thing that really irks me though. I don't know hy. ...

I agree with KJ. Most of you sentances were "He did this... He did that..." When you do this you take away from the story. Vary and change up the ...

These strong walls, Maybe you could out: These four strong walls. Or something. They hold my fury, For some reason the word they dont flow so well. You could rephase ...

Great poem. It was satisfing, it left an impression. I don't see poetry like this very often and its nice to see something different than love and death poems. (I'm ...

The only thing that I have against this poem is that you start way to many lines with I. Vary the sentance structure. It makes the poem, well, boring when ...

Joanna stared at her sister as she passed her. Alla glanced at her too, but Joanna quickly averted her attention to the dirt floor below her. Not wanting her sister ...

You need to seperate the dialogue from everything else. Your paragraphs too. It makes it easier to read. One thing that I noticed about your story was that you used ...