Kale

I contrast to Kafka, I over here am suffering from an "I hate" repetition was just too much, and the only reason I finished reading this was because I intended ...

This was quite easy to follow, and I understood that it was about civil war around the third stanza. That said, you did a good job keeping this from being ...

...what? I am assuming this is complete as it has been placed in the short stories forum. If this is a mistake and you want it moved into the novels ...

You pick up you're bow. Ohthathurt. Even if you wrote this quickly, it's always a good idea to proofread your work before posting it up. It saves the reviewers time ...

Again, your grasp of structure impresses me. Normally I intensely dislike full-stop-heavy poems, especially when coupled with such short linebreaks, because they are so abrupt and disjointed, but you

Gratuitous Latin = instant "bleh" reaction from me. Especially since you used the exact same phrase three times in close succession. Whenever you use Latin or Greek, or any foreign ...

I have a soft spot for cute rhyming poems, and this was very much a cute rhyming poem. I smiled a little as I was reading it. That said, you ...

down, down, onto the alumni of deserts and oceans. Look, Onto the associates of deserts and oceans? That makes no sense. Did you perhaps mean "alum" as in potash alum? ...

You made pretty good use of repetition in this, though it did make me wonder if these were meant to be lyrics rather than a poem. They would work rather ...

Seph already pointed out most of the spelling and grammar issues, so I won't touch it except to say that there are more. And they kept throwing me out of ...

Hello there. The first thing I noticed was that you had a couple of tense shifts. These really threw me out of the story since it made it a bit ...

Jetpack already covered what I wanted to say with regards to description and characterization, so I'll just be focusing on the consistency. Basically, there were a number of inconsistencies within ...

You’ll also receive… Ellipses indicate a trailing off. What's happening here is an abrupt cutting off. As such, an m-dash (--) is more appropriate. “Kozlowski goes in for the goal,” ...

Note: You misspelled "compliment". loath ...a "Loath" without the "e" is adjective while "loathe" with the "e" is the verb. the ... graze I'm assuming you mean "graze" as in ...

I like how you made use of the colors. It was a nice touch. That said, your capitalization and punctuation were inconsistent, which is a shame because I think that ...