Kakali

“Hi Hail.” “Hey Jake” this is Jacob. My best friend sense, like ever. My name is actually Hailey; he calls me Hail to shorten it. Sense my name is so ...

First of all, I would like to say that this is a great opening! I read it all the way through! Just add a little more detail where there should ...

They had tried to give me away. Again. (Between away and again should be a comma.) Handed over to another family. Whether they had kids, dogs, senile grandparents, expensive furniture, ...

Like everyone else, this is a script. A good one at that. Twards the end they all say "Bye" and that confused me. try using a word other than bye, ...

Hey! I was really excited to read your new chapter. I scribbled in my diary, writing about the cold and of my modeling for Monsieur Degas. "I scribbled in my ...

Simply wonderful, I loved it. The story was great! A little nit-picking. The lights dimmed in the Palace Garner Opera house, all the talking from the gentlemen and high class ...

And slowly, And slowly, My eyes close. Two and slowlies' doesn't make sense, try: "And slowly, So slowly, My eyes close." Are this tears coming out of my eyes? It ...

So ask yourself; why do our differences cause such deadly fights? Why do they cause war? And suffering? And pain? And,and,and. Try other words than "and" Good hamburger-style layout. I ...

Your story was quite interesting. Though Nit-picking still. One question blasted in my mind as I peered out of my once hidden window, you might be wondering the same thing, ...

I like youre story. I would get into nitpicking, but some people already have done that. The characters parts don't exactly describe their persoality. I know its only chapter one, ...

“Fourteen years ago, I found you in a butter churn.” Wow! I think this is interesting. The fantasy part could use a little more fantasy in this chapter, if you ...

Hey, I won't nit-pick to much. I smiled a wide smile at them. Carlisle smiled. I smiled as a little girl, about the age of five, stopped in front of ...

I really love the story, its riveting. Only some of the aposterphies were backwards, or something is wrong with them. The details are amazing. You should become a great author ...

"The smell transmitted uneasiness, and made passers-by hurry about their business wondering why they suddenly felt a profound sadness." I liked this part except for the "passers-by" part, it confused ...