Johansen03

I like the amazing description at the beginning " high pitched scream that made my spine shiver". I do wonder however if you could have added a little more facts ...

I loved how through out your entire story yo used show not tell and that you really put a lot of effort into creating an amazing atmosphere. I do wonder ...

I find this story very interesting with how it plays out you have clearly thought this through and revised it many times. Your use of words works very well however ...