Jetpack

Here for a review. I'll split this into a couple of categories dealing with my main points. Purpose of the Prologue You rarely need a prologue, and I'd say that ...

Hey, HG, welcome to YWS! I see you haven't had any reviews yet, so I thought I'd give you your first. Is this going to be a short story or ...

Like the reviewer above, I enjoyed this. I won't nitpick fully, but only point out some recurring problems I had - then I'll move on to some more general positives ...

I haven't read much of your work before, but even in a piece this short, I really like your writing style. It flows well and there were no awkward sentences ...

Hi, A2DS. You've already said that you're not too keen on nitpicks, so I'll give you a general review. On the whole, this was a refreshing read, but I'll give ...

Hey, Sean. I'll second seeminglymeaningless in that you should take the story out of quotes and hide your author's note, mainly because both are distracting to the reader. Of course ...

Hi again, UCCM. Back for another review! This time, due to the length, I'm going to nitpick to the ends of the earth and back as per my usual reviews. ...

I just typed up a whole review and my browser failed. *hits computer* Welcome to YWS, U. This is one of the best "first posts" I've seen in a long ...

Welcome to YWS, MyStoryline. This is quite effectively written and as the above reviewer said, it's a very sad topic to read about. I won't pretend I know anything about ...

Hi, Chryssa, and welcome to YWS. I haven't much to say that Night Owl and Soda didn't cover, so I'll just repeat a bit. I suppose it's always worth getting ...

Hey there, Veiyloxx. Welcome to YWS! So this is where that username comes from, I suppose? I'll be reading through and nitpicking as I go, and then I'll give a ...

Hey! Here for a review. I'll start off with nitpicks, and then go into general criticisms. This is an incredibly powerful storyline and I know someone going through something similar; ...

I feel that you need to connect to the reader more. Let us into his (the MC's) head. Give him more emotions. It was also strange how this piece seemed ...

Back to review your second chapter. I'm not going to nitpick, as this is mostly grammatically sound, nor am I going to hammer home the "show, don't tell" point again, ...

Here as requested! I know you mainly want a character dissection for this, but I'm going to go ahead and nitpick anyway before I look at characters. There isn't that ...