Jennafina

I don't like this at all If I am not careful, things could get ugly. From a guy who just exploded somebody's brain, this sounds oddly comical. Shale seems more ...

I really like your writing style. It has just the right amount of description; not so much that it's an overload, but enough to give a clear picture. The topic ...

Hello again! A slight buzz in his ear told him he was connected to a secure channel to Headquarters. A series of clicks told him all he needed to know... ...

MOTHER I like how she loves warmth. At first, in the shower, it didn't register, but since she liked the warm coffee too, it makes her a more believable and ...

Hello! Nice to meet you. :) Hope you like YWS. Wait for that moment between heartbeats, where everything is perfectly still, all while riding the edge, the technique describing keeping ...

Hey, dream_girl, welcome to YWS! I'm Jenna. About your story, formatting please! ^.^ This would be so much easier to read if you put in more paragraphs, especially around your ...

Hello! This is pretty long, so I'll critique it in parts. Hope you don't mind. :) I have a kind of short attention span. 1 Your beginning made me interested, ...

A figurein a white parka, huddled at the base of a narrow road. I don't think you need a comma here. If you wanted to put one in, it would ...

Yay! That was the cutest story about a blood-sucking killer I've ever read! *feels warm and fuzzy.* Heh, sorry. His hair dirty-blonde hair probably hadn’t been brushed at all that ...

This is kind of sweet, and obviously heartfelt, but it doesn't seem very catchy, especially at first. You need to grab the reader with an interesting opening or character. Why ...

“Hey man, you got any Vaseline?” What's this about? The rest of your dialogue I really like. It seems natural, and one topic flows easily to the next. Also, it's ...

Hello. Welcome to YWS! You can call me Jenna. :) Please leave more spaces inbetween your dialague! It will make it so much easier to read. I grinned, his eyes ...

Cool! I was compelled to read all the way to the end, which is really good. However, you could pick up the pace by using more active (less passive) verbs. ...

Hello! I'm don't have a lot of practice critiquing poetry, I hope you don't mind. December is a proper noun, and should be capitalized. This poem is kind of sweet, ...

This is an interesting idea, but right now it seems like more of a plot outline than an actual story, or a retelling of a myth or something. Things you ...