Jennafina

wind whipping at the hems of their white robes I'm not exactly sure why, but I really love this phrase! :) -Emptiness, that horrid emptiness to which she seemed to ...

I read it, but I didn't really love it. A lot of the time, it seemed like the author was writing more to get the horrible things that happened to ...

and was wearing nothing as he sat, I'd just say naked. Wearing nothing sounds awkward. Snapping his head around the Skull, with its crooked smile and worn head, shook at ...

If that link doesn't work on anyone's computer, (it didn't on mine,) I'm fairly certain this is also it: Since you made it so long ago, you probably don't want ...

Its beyond frustrating, Should be 'It's.' Contraction for 'it is.' cockily scratching it’s head. Should be 'its'. Lol. Since it's an inanimate object. Then its back to staring at the ...

Please use more paragraphs! When writing is all squished together like this it makes it really easy to lose your place. I was always too smart for my own good; ...

Hello! Somehow, he'd dropped forty five pounds since Spartanburg High School let out on December twentieth. I think he would have noticed. Forty five pounds is a lot. He was ...

YWS literary forums are a place to post and get feedback on work by you, not by other people. If you've got a story by someone else you'd like to ...

Hello! Are you double spacing the space between your paragraphs? You don't need quite that much. Thanks for dividing it up into lots of paragraphs, though. :) I really like ...

Hello! How can a pen move radically? “Doors open!” Door's. Since it's a contraction for Door is. Give your dialogue a paragraph of its own, please. :) It makes it ...

Haha, I remember how hard it was to get through victory road. It took me like ten hours and then I was totally creamed by the Elite Four. I mean-- ...

That was awesome! I love the darkly sarcastic tone of all your characters. The vampire werewolf mix is unique. :) Cool verbs. :D Clawed gives me this picture of long, ...

I haven't read this yet, but I'm noticing that it's so scrunched up! Please add more paragraphs. It makes it really easy for readers to lose their places when there ...

Spacing! Give your dialogue some room! It can't breath and it's suffocating. We must resuscitate it! 0_o Kidding. :D Basically, I mean please format your work, it'll be easier to ...

Shadow, you can edit your own posts if you want to add something so you don't have to double post. :) It's the edit button on the upper right. I ...