Jasmine

First of all, I really loved your imagery. It was really neat but I found it was used a lot in single sentences. I would also recommend alluding as to ...

Wow, this was so captivating! I didn't catch on to your thesis, but I've never been so great at that. But I'm sure your teacher will love this piece, (or ...

Your title implies that there should be a lot more feelings involved, but I didn't really feel them. I found myself picking at grammar mistakes, and the different tenses used. ...

Although I did see a few spelling and grammar mistakes, I won't point them out because I'm commenting just because I loved this piece. I loved how it had the ...

Wow, I really liked this piece a lot. It's so simple but the way you switch from pas to present really works to keep me interested. I do agree with ...

I definitely did like the storym although it was very short and left some questions unanswered. Why was she saying they could not be together anymore? What was the money ...

Hi wondergirl59, The first thing I noticed was the variance between past and present tense. If you begin your writing in the present, stay constant with that throughout the piece. ...

Wow, that was absolutely beautiful! I loved your style and descriptions. They made it very easy to visualize what was happening. The twist at the ending was superb! Although, I ...

First off, thank you for writing such a cute little piece! It was simple and yet very beautiful. I do agree though that it could be incredible if you were ...

The only suggestion I have for you is to try to eliminate repetition in sentence. It was done once or twice, and I see that they were already corrected by ...

"As the brave, I march up to the front, Side by side, The brave march up to the front, For those of the coward, Fight alone, next to none, But ...

Although short, I found it very interesting, mainly because of being involved in a similar situation. I have many of those questions myself. I'd like to read more, though. More ...

This is beautiful. The topic itself is going to bring about emotion, but the way you've written it in a letter to a loved one just makes this piece. I ...