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JFW1415

  • Novel / Chapter » Action / Adventure, General Re: Relay

    Hello! The review, as asked for. The numbers next to the highlighted parts correspond with the 'highlighted comments.' The red are typos/grammar mistakes. Pages one and two down the first ...

    Apr 19, 2008
  • Short Story » Romantic, General Re: Bad Girls Need Love Too

    Highlighted Comments 1. Expand. Emotion, please? 2. Don’t repeat; I’d ditch this word. 3. Good actions, but expand the emotions. Also, what do the sheets feel like? His warm body? ...

    Apr 19, 2008
  • Novel / Chapter » Romantic, General Re: Bad Girls Need Love Too

    I glanced through your comments to see if you had any real ones (again, only one,) and I noticed that you said you can’t remember it all. This is to ...

    Apr 19, 2008
  • Novel / Chapter » Romantic, General Re: Bad Girls Need Love Too

    Aw, you only have one good review! Well, like always, I shall critique as if this isn’t you. At the end, I will rant and rave about how awful it ...

    Apr 18, 2008
  • Short Story » Fantasy, General Re: Moonlight (redone)

    Boon, have I ever told you how much I love you? I mean, really, look at this! 500 words! You are too amazing for words. ;P Before I begin, I ...

    Apr 18, 2008
  • Poetry » Narrative, General Re: Your Soul to Hollywood $$$ (You’ll Never Get it Back)

    I've already told you I know nothing of poetry, so don't expect this to be helpful. ;P One thing I noticed: the punctuation is off. I don't know enough about ...

    Apr 18, 2008
  • Short Story » General, General Re: The Rose

    Hello! The numbers next to the highlighted piece correspond with the numbered 'highlighted comments' below. Look out: it's long! (And took me an hour! Jeez...) Pages one and two down ...

    Apr 18, 2008
  • Short Story » General, General Re: ...

    I agree - this should be in short fiction. You did make me think, I'll give you that. But there's no story behind this - no real meaning. It's just ...

    Apr 17, 2008
  • Novel / Chapter » Romantic, General Re: Bad Girls Need Love Too

    Hello! The numbers next to the highlighted part correspond with the 'highlighted comments' below. NOTE: The last sentence is comment number 25. It was the only sentence on the third ...

    Apr 16, 2008
  • Poetry » Other, General Re: Rain Drop

    Well, considering the fact that I first thought this was about skydivers, not raindrops, I'm not sure hoe much you should trust me. But you asked, so I'll deliver. gyrating ...

    Apr 16, 2008
  • Short Story » Action / Adventure, General Re: Panic

    I'm baaack! Be afraid. :wink: One and two down the first column, three and four down the second. Highlighted Comments 1. If something’s wrong, we should be upset, no? So ...

    Apr 16, 2008
  • Poetry » Other, General Re: Free

    Wild and free, like a bird of the tree. [I don't think this should rhyme. It immediately turned me off from it, and you didn't continue throughout the whole poem.] ...

    Apr 16, 2008
  • Short Story » General, General Re: Just High School

    Hello, Jinxeh! It looks like you're new, so welcome to YWS! You'll become so addicted you'll never be able to leave - it's awesome. :wink: (Oh, and congrats on winning ...

    Apr 16, 2008
  • Other » General, General Re: Guilty

    Very interesting. I see someone else caught the grammar, so I'll skip that. One small thing: when 'I' say that 'I' can't help it if 'I' stutter, I think 'I' ...

    Apr 16, 2008
  • Short Story » General, General Re: A lover, A mother, A child

    Hopefully I'll be able to give you a better critique at some point, but I just wanted to mention something. I don't think any doctor will ever say 'you have ...

    Apr 15, 2008


Resistance is futile.
— The Borg