Izzyeyore

Yeah, just adding another praising comment, but this was good and really easy for readers to relate to, gold star! :)

That was great, really emotionally charged :) It made me almost cry at the end, keep up the great work!

oooo! i really like this :D PM me when you post the next one? ~Izzy

Wow... the beginning was great, and then she turned into a slightly psycho-b**ch-let-me-yell-at-anyone-who-annoys-me type of person; she overreacted a bit at the end, but other than that, I liked it ...

oh no! that's a great story, and I agree completely with the accent thing :D

Choking, throat are the two things that stood out to me, but yeah... great piece! :D for lack of a better word, it was really unique.

Oh no!!! *sob* why did he dieeee?!! great story *sniff*

peaking -> peeking reeking -> wreaking those are twp wprds that you got mixed up on, but those were the only ones I caught, good job!

may I ask what you thought of the second chapeter

..Continue? *hopeful smile*

Other than the tenses and all the other things mentioned above, I noticed one awkward wording as I was (re-)reading it: His hand was on my cheek, his soft, soothing ...

Ok, it's reworked :D any second opinions? *hopeful look*

By the way, I posted the (very rough draft!) second part of this story... -Izzy

Ok, thanks a lot for the comment and crit, I'm trying to rework this chapter, and yeah... I was just experimenting with something new, etc. Haha yeah, I agree, this ...

This was great! Could you possibly PM me if you continue it? Thanks a million, Izzyeyore