Isis

ah, boiling chips. You're making me miss chemistry. and I'm in blue, of course. Narrowly-spaced lines recall the caramel air of Organic Chem, thick as hormones heaving in a beaker. ...

^ going to agree. Punctuation is important in driving the flow of poetry, and having it make sense. You get more leeway than in prose, but a good guide is ...

very cummings-esque - and in the phrasing, which is very nice. I enjoyed reading this a lot. it works as a small poem but the second half could be expanded ...

This is a neat poem. It has quite a few good points, and some parts you might want to play around with. Starting a war and ending it simultaneously, causing ...