GeneralKaseyDaBomd

Very creative writing! In my opinion though there should be a little more description of what's happening outside the dialogue. It would enhance the story even more. Riley's the kind ...

THIS IS MY FAVORITE PART: -The zombie walked up, his clothes ripped and detaching from his body. Drake looked up, staring into the creature's eyes. Finally, he got a good ...

Very descriptive! This piece could be part of a Warriors book and we'd all think it's Erin Hunter writing this. Amazing. I personally like fan fictions simply because they can ...

Very descriptive writing! A great Warriors fan fiction, but the Clans seem to resemble the four Warriors Clan in name to closely. LightningClan=ThunderClan and NightClan=ShadowClan. This isn't a big i

I have to point out the fact that there are no paragraphs and a lot of the time there is no punctuation. Some words that should be capitalized aren't. Good ...

First off, there were a lot of grammer and punctuation errors within the short story. You used unnessecery words and phrases when they would only confuse the reader. I don't ...

Very clever in the way you told the story. Although I would've either taken out certain pieces of dialogue and put in more description of the characters, setting, and about ...

It's a good story, but sometimes it is best you don't skip such a big time frame. Try to make something happen in Sevenpaw's kithood that will alter the story ...

Even though this is a short story, it doesn't have enough plot or background info to create a true story. The characters should be described more. Things such as their ...

An action-packed story of a young boy and his friend, with villians such as kidnappers and thiefs. This is a common story line for many adventure books, but the way ...

Erin Hunter could have writen this herself! The description of Ashfur's feeling about Squirrelflight not loving him and trading him for Brambleclaw struck me as touching. Hollyleaf's anger was taken ...