Eyes

Odd. Very Odd. But interesting enough if it wasn't for the sentence length. Vary the sentence length to keep us interested. Micheal Seamus Patrick O' flannigan Sean McMurphy Flannigan should ...

It is quite interesting ! However it is very hard to read. Maybe you could split it up into more defined paragraphs? Kaerak pulled her tattered cloak tighter ......... She ...

Ooh very good ! :D You kept me interested the whole way through. You're fab. at creating suspense :) . There is just one little thing ... Oh yes, the ...

He he :lol: . It's very funny and I so know what you're talking about! However , :evil: I have some reservations about the final two lines. They seem to ...

It's very musical ... you kinda want to sing it!! It's really good 'cause it captures that feeling of desperation and annoyance very well... Rather than racing And demanding it ...

After reading the story I do agree that the title is a wee bit misleading but hey,in my humble opinion, it adds suspense to the piece 'CAUSE we know there ...

Hello! Sorry I've taken so long to critique. After reading it I am REALLY sorry !! It's fab ! :) It's kinda got that "Harry Potter" charm about it. It's ...

:cry: You explore emotion very well . I am going to nit pick though - The chemo therapy draining all the energy out of his small frame Should it be ...

Hey it was good ! :D There were a few things that I don't think are quite perfect ! feeling as if a testicle had lodged itself in his stomach ...

:D This is really good !! Our very own hole to heaven, lined with opium and discordant hymms. We'll poke our heads up through the concrete clouds, to be greeted ...

Very nice . You create suspense well. It's very good. The only thing I would change , and this is only a suggestion, but I would elaborate more on whats ...

Ohh fab! I liked the way you presented the nightmare; it's sorta like a flashback - but it isn't. It's really unusual. :D Very interesting ! Is there a chapter ...