Evi

Here as requested! If not work like they do, Hell would become crowded and dysfunctional, smelly and unclean and completely disorganised. There's a word missing here somewhere. Am I going ...

Yola Irish! Before I continue, everything Demeter said was spot-on, so listen to all of her nit-picks and notes. ;) That way I don't have to repeat them! I smiled, ...

The kid turned swiftly around, startled by my voice, and I found his illuminated, startled baby-blue eyes staring at me. Too many adjectives and adverbs cluttering up this sentence, especially ...

This is written well. I think you should probably go ahead and rate this 12+ because of sexual references, though. she wore ample skirts and shirts, bathed after everyone else ...

First of all, because of language and a little bit of the content, you need to rate this at least 16, maybe 18-- I forget the exact rule. My name ...

Hey Sudz! Evi here. First of all, before I can continue-- you've seriously got to reread your stuff. Just in the prologue thingy, you have oodles of typos and punctuation ...

Hola, Smorg. ^_^ Maureen gives me a look. “It’s your turn” , she says. Comma goes inside the quotation marks. EDIT: Haha, scratch that, then. Silly American education, I suppose. ...

Hey, Fantasyfreak. Evi here. ^_^ So, I do think this story has a ton of potential. The idea is interesting and the cast of characters you have to work with ...

Hey, Kylan. I was determined to review the oldest work on the 'unanswered literary items' list, and, of course, it's you. And it's really hard to review you without beginning ...

Hey Bouncing! Welcome to YWS. So, this will be short and to the point! You have a good start, with a nice introduction to your main character, but you're getting ...

Hey Amy! Conrad is completely right. The glaring issue here is that transition-- right about here, I think: “Oh, wake up.” Kaitlyn, losing patience, walked back out, leaving the sunlight ...

Hey Gal. I'd babble on a bit about how great this was, but something tells me you're not the kind of writer who posts their writing to fish for compliments. ...

Hey Pen! Here as requested. ^_^ Thanks for using my thread. So, first of all, is this meant not to be broken up into any stanzas? I think your ideas ...

Hey SingingSaturdays, welcome to YWS! Evi here. Right now, this poem isn't much more than a list of what your narrator does, and, sorry, that's just not interesting enough to ...

Hey Conrad. ;) I would've given this crit to your story, but you didn't post it on YWS (fail, by the way) and so you'll have to settle for my ...