Evi

Hey Bwhit, hope you're enjoying YWS. You should do some reviews of your own! Give and you shall receive. ;) Esther and Tatra said much of what I'm thinking, so ...

Hey Heffa! I haven't read the previous eleven chapters, but I'll still give you my opinions on this. Before anything else, change the formatting to the "Story" option, under the ...

Hello again, Dis! I regrettably haven't had the chance to read chapter four, but hopefully I can still be of help. I can't help but wonder, though, why you've posted ...

Hello Redford! You say that you want to continue writing this, so I'm not sure whether it's supposed to be a self-contained short story or a snippet of a larger ...

Hello fell! Evi here. You obviously have a lot of emotion in this piece, and I see what you might've been going for with the repetition and parallel descriptions. There's ...

Hello ShauniRain! I'm Evi. Hope you're enjoying your time on YWS thus far. This critique is dedicated to Suzanne , who is unable to review you, although I'm sure she's ...

Okay, hello, Smashles! So, before anything else, change the "Special Formatting" option under the text-box to "Story" to fix the paragraph-bunching. It'll make everything much more approachable. Next,

Hello peanut! Terribly sorry for the delay. Interesting that you've managed to make a real story out of such random prompts, but you should know, since you requested a review ...

Hello Radiate! Here as requested. I'm glad you altered this to be more straightforward poetry than prose poetry, because honestly I have very little idea how to critique the latter ...

Due to the fact that I am a goddess of productivity and punctuality, I have made it here before you sacrificed this work to the high heavens! I consider myself ...

Wow! So, you've already gotten some pretty in-depth critiques. Hopefully I can still be of help. ^_^ As I think you've heard before, too-fast pacing is becoming a problem for ...

Chapter Two: Morning light whisked through the crimson leaves, leaving angular shadows over what was left of a Catholic cemetery. It's great that you're so determined to use interesting words ...

Hello Puffycherry! Thanks for the request. Chapter One: I clasped the yellow form within my hands, the buses' engine revving ever so slightly as it turned down the country path. ...

Hey Wheadee; I'm Evi. I smiled at the title. ;) Interesting premise you have here, huh? I read over the first part of chapter one just to get a feel ...

Hello Dis. ;) I haven't read the first two chapters, so I'm going to mainly be commenting on flow and style as opposed to plot. He always promised that he ...