Esmé

Hello! A lot of things happen to the MC, as opposed to them uh, happening in the very very first paragraph- the passive/active voice thing. Look at sentence one and ...

I know it's an excuse :D But I shouldn't know! I mean, it shouldn't be so obvious that it is, just my opinion. It might not seem like an important ...

Hey! So, mural scene much better  And the answer to the mural (people paint…). More authentic/realistic, which was the point. But! Dialogue punctuation. If someone does something that isn’t ...

Ha guess I might have gone a bit overboard with Fred. Was thinking along the age lines, and originally he was that, but then that bald spot came up and ...

Woaah. You two are amazing. Amazing! Kitty and Suzanne, thank you so much - now I feel that whatever I say, I'll be under-thanking, so I'm going to be quiet ...

Yeah yeah yeah, Frederick's sketchy and bland >< I really need to something with that, I do. Thanks for reading :)

Thank you so much! I'll definitely smooth things out in the beginning, emphesize the party and cut the repetitions (ha, everytime I opened the document, I added one, or so ...

It does show, doesn't it? Eek. But thanks for taking the time to read this :)

Hello, I'm back :) _ quote: Amber walked along at a casual, relaxed pace, although she wanted to run. Comma although she wanted to run - doesn't work at all. ...

Hey, thank you so much for the helpful review! :)

Part B is up, so I’m bumping the thread. Chapter One is being revised - taken off for now.

Hello! - Quote: Nendo’s breathing came faster, in sharp pants that never seemed to force enough air into his lungs. Awkward wording – consider rephrasing (the “came faster”?) Quote: Strange, ...

Thank you for the review! There are three character: the governess (Lady Arianna, also known as “Rinnie” by Anat), Anat (alternatively called Her Imperial Highness – she’s ten years old) ...

Lily, Thank you for the posted thoughtful comments. Again, the minor changes will be made immediately, while the rest I’m copying to a separate folder – at around chapter 5, ...

Lily and mike, Thank you for the terrific critiques, I really do appreciate you going over my piece. Right now I’m done with some of the minor issues (rephrasing, and ...