ErBear

her mentor, Jonah Caleb commended her mentor, Jonah Caleb, commended parents’ house parent's house (since it is their house and they own it, making it an apostrophe s) “That’s because ...

"You're what ? !" She shouted loudly, catching everyone's attention. I turned my head from left to right, noticing that the entire room had fallen dead and everyone's prying eyes ...

Your poem is exquisite! Having just watched Labyrinth, I love it! No suggestions or corrections here, since it's all how you interpret it. Great job, again! I love your word ...

far from being best friends I would say 'far from being close' or 'close friends' because you had said earlier that he was the closest thing Thalia had to a ...

Garsh! I read this and was inspired. Your first sentance grabbed me and the rest held me fast. You have amazing detail and clarity- I was in that coffee shop ...

Well, psudiname and Wolf said everything I have to say! Once again, remarkable story, good word choice, yada yada yada. I would suggest breaking the story into two parts, or ...

Dear diary Dear Diary, It’s been two years since I have joined Hogwarts, this should be a ; sorry for not writting only one t in such a long time ...

It increases readability if you spread out the sentances as shown below Who am I ? Take out space between I and ? And who are you? Do you know ...

I ran my finger along the rough fabric spines of the books in my library. 'ran' doesn't sound right. Try 'run' My library. I smiled as I thought of those ...

Feet meet feet where hearts met pavement. this phrase means so much.. it's beautiful Tears meet cheeks where lips kissed softly. awwh. this is beautiful and really captures the despair ...

Her dreams, however helpful, seemed to be tormenting her, as well as the thought that was spreading, like black ink onto a page, into her mind her barely conscious mind: ...

Hey! Love this chapter! :) Make uuber sure to check your commas. Looking through, I noticed a lot of comma errors. Also, you capitalize the beginning of dialougue, in your ...

“Row row your boat roughly down the stream…merrily merrily life’s but a living hell,” I sang quietly while squeezing the sponge letting the water run down my leg. I sighed ...

This is such an interesting piece. At first, I thought it was a baseball pitcher, as in a human, because you started with the senses. And then, as your story/poem ...

Your story is....confusing. Try to seperate the different dialougue, it's very easy to get lost when it's all one big clump. Also, watch your prefixes of they're, their, and there. ...